10112 thoughts

 She came home drenched in liquor, staggering wavering left to right and the stench of whisky would fill the corridors to her room, unfortunately she was home alone and her mum found her. she was zoned out in her room , having thrown up everywhere. In an African setting, well this a major issue, well does the feeling of agitation and anger pass an African? you guessed right. Sooner rather than late, the mum summoned the cane like the lord of the rings would pull out his rings in time for war, well it was full of rage, even us the neighbors wondered what was up, well, myself since I knew her pretty much, the story has it that she received a beating, a good one. Anyway I was asking myself was the flogging really worth it. did it change a thing on this early twenty's aged girl. In my point of view, well it didn't but rather it added more gap between the mum and her daughter, later the following day listening to the daughter, well, I almost cried, really wanting to talk to the mum ...

 Being mentally happy is something that we all strive for, yet it can be difficult to achieve. It requires a lot of self-reflection and understanding of ourselves. Taking a break from the hustle and bustle of life can help us to reconnect with our inner selves and gain clarity on what makes us truly happy.  It is a journey and it takes time to figure out what makes us content, but it is worth the effort. Self-reflection can help us identify our strengths and weaknesses, what motivates us, and how we can use those qualities to reach our goals. By taking the time to assess our mental state, we can take steps towards achieving a happier mindset.  Self-reflection is a process where one uses their own thoughts and experiences to determine how they are feeling in a given moment. This can be a challenging task because of the complexity of human emotion, but it is important that we take the time to reflect on our mental state. It may lead us towards happiness. A study shows that ...

And if death will be  better than pain, choose it. Why does this sound like a better idea.  Why pain when you can just rest for ever. Crazy right.  Pause. I aint suicidal.  High thought . Its like having to choose to pass through fire to get to the goal rather than just taking whats yours and learning to be content.  Well, we keep fighting our emotions, our feelings and accepting other to tread on us in the name of we are fighting for a better future. Shit thats cold .  Are the struggles realy worth it?  I know they are worth when you know your purpose, but when you dont know . Too expensive , costing your mental health, no time for rest because you are chasing blindly, and foolishly. You can tell that man is going through . Bet you wanna know . Eeehh . Sometimes it is great but still dark times surpass. Funny how you can be smiling at a thousand positive feedbacks but our brain will magnify the one negative thought and you know end your mood fucked up...

I said I will keep you posted how life goes around for me . Well, here I am, still alive and going on . Two months ago is when I wrote last, I was so confused a little bit about life and nothing was like going on apart from living just a normal day.  Fast foward to Christmas . I had my first short festive season . I couldnt believe it .  Short story, I landed at our parents house on the christmas eve and got like a heavy scheduled three days . On 28th I was wheels off back to the city. Well I had gotten some respinse from a company I had applied an 8-5  work, I was to start the following day. I couldn't believe it, the fact I am working on days that were meant for holiday. The system is just something else. Anyway since I was wanting to get an opportunity I had to cut off the holiday. Well it has been a hell of a month since then, a roller coaster of emotions, discovery of life each day, I am learning to grow hard, I am loving how I am building my relationship with the Cr...

  Well, i can say life is interesting, like why would there be no balance. I am broke, of course I don't have a consistent source of income. I hustle here and there to get you know some cash for my daily expenses. anyway I wonder how people do it, I mean the men out here, how was your start. Ladies, I got nothing much to say, you get your ways easily if you wanted. this is just me thinking out loud. Once you fell like a grown up, the moment you feel the need to be your own provider or your parents have cut you off, or rather the cycle of life just forces you out there. I could never have thought it would be easy neither did I think that it would be this hard for one to stay away from starving, well you have to work for it. No wonder the good book says that the ones who have worked deserve to eat. Working is mad tiresome, mostly when what you are doing is not aligning with your goals.  Definitely you can tell what I am arriving at, I am tired ...

Stuck between what life is offering and chasing what I desire, tough isn't it ? Well I am having a mid twenty crisis. Honestly, I have been making good cash once in while in my uni life, close good ksh a day, but guess my dumb young self would blow it all. well they are ways which I cant indulge my self with because I have out grown them, yeah I said it, they are dumb to me now.  Not that I despise the money making way, but been more knowledgeable than then, well I can't engage in them at that level. anyway I got tired of doing the affiliate marketing. currently I am all about staying indoors and looking for more easier ways of getting cash online, I feel like the 9 to 5 job is not my thing. I haven't gotten any good source, but I keep searching. digitization is rampant and I know there is a way, some people are having it and it is not preview to us yet. well I am unemployed, but work my self through to survive.  One thing I won't be  st...

 hello folks, Well this week I came across a book on the internet. Lets begin where it all started. so I attended this church meeting last weekend, I got a gig that the bishop of that church wanted a chef, with my skill that I have nurtured by myself well I was on a pay roll. So in one of his services, he preached a simple message. made me wonder, I was locked in thoughts. With the knowledge of the woke generation stuck in my head then this time the bible made sense, with examples of life stories well he had valid proof that the bible is true and amen, well his trick was simple. His word was seek first the kingdom of heaven and everything shall be added unto you, also, it is only the blessings of the lord that makes rich and adds no sorrow, This is the kind of rich O want to live, because well who wants sorrow? That simple guys, he went further and said the blessings are offered here on earth for us to enjoy them, all we got to have is faith to the Lord, ask him...

 Three weeks down. Man graduated , man has dreams, chasing the the bag, but the bag is 'Murife'. I am learning and growing, This time I can actually feel it. Smooth transitions in life. I can attest that with age wisdom comes. More so if you had knowledge, whatever I have gained in life, from my parents relatives, every other elder of mine, is slowly starting to make sense. I mean I thought they were out dated, well that is a little bit true but again makes sense when I transpose to our current times. Just how they handled their issues of life, is not  far from how our good rogue society is handling the same, I mean, a month after my birthday I graduated and I would ask for better timings. I am an Anthropologist, study of human beings wholly in regards to their past, present and future. Mainly studying human behavior. Not that I can study you in minutes, no that is never my intention but well I can sense your behavior from a far of. kidding!  Anyway back to our era, final...

This happens to be the place I feel at ease letting off my frustrations. Before we start a good promising streak of nothing but how life will be brilliant, walk with me through this dark phase. The light is at the end of the tunnel and I really don't know if I just started my walk in or am I in the middle or close to the end. I don't know either. Today morning I woke up to some sad news. My milk delivery guy back at home passed on. Tragic. Oh, for those wondering about a milk delivery guy. Back at our home we get milk delivered to the door from the farmer. The motorist takes milk from different farmers, come and sell to us at the suburbs. This man grew with us through our lifes. A week and a half ago, our milk man had an accident and broke his limbs and I guess he got some severe injuries which he succumbed to yesternight. I am sad because I saw his hard work through the years. From one hustle to another. Raising up his family, and finally having her daughters get the campus. M...

Check check . Damn it. Consistency, from the beginning I promised to be consistent with this but what excuse do I have for my brain . Yeah, I have been away, not from the internet, but time to reflect . A little it felt not worth it, for a moment I felt discouraged. No one was in my corner to motivate me . Well, the truth of life.  So of late I have been having bitter pills to swallow. Correct answers that were not the ones I accepted. The part where you have to seek for advice the third time because the first two didn't advise the way you wanted . That has been my life this month. I thought it being  my birthday month that everything would be soft and wow. Unfortunately, I fell off trains I thought took me the right way, I fell off relationships I thought would last and I learnt the hard way. I am  With age comes wisdom. Nature has its best way to teach you some life hard questions. Took me long enough to understand being good will never give you anything but let you get...

It sounded as if i had my head set on . Tic tac, tic tac I dont know but it became louder, tossing and turning until all my brain would processs was questions of; is it worth it. Tic tac, flashes of my last happy laugh, was it worth it? Tic tac, what's  the cost of my happines, does it cost me enough? Tic tac what is to be valued? Does been good really count or makes one be used.  I dont know. Tic tac, I am losing my breathe, becuse I think time is moving fast and I am just here doing nada. Or am I still young, I need to be patient. Tic tac, I cant help it but worry. Worry that tommorrow is not promised, but why should I live today if tommorrow I wont be there. Tic tac, gets louder and this time slower. I could hear five tics' in a second. A roller coaster feeling, I cant breathe . Heavy pants to gasp the air. Tic tac, it's deep in the night, why does it have to feel this way. Death can be cruel to us the living but is it comfortable on the other end? How does it feel;  l...

So, its been a minute since I wrote. You can telk that since before results I have been away . Not soul searching though, but connecting back to my self. I travelled now to the rural. Just trees, birds chirping, river flowing. The heavy afternoon rains, hailstorms. Well it was a little satisfying. No power, people there use solar power. Takes you two days to charge your phone. Or you would rather take it to the centre where there are shops . Electricity reaches there . Every one goes to shop there , Sell there produce and also men and the young adults meet there to socialize, women too but mostly they are there for shopping. Its a cool place. Young boys are there for movies. The movies explained by someone on whats going on. Famous in our rural areas.  I took quite interesting strolls around the village . The paths formed, bushes around. It was scary but well. I would pass by fences and pick mangoes or sugarcane. Munchies innit. Anyway . I had some crazy occurence this time . I had...

 Hey guys, day three of vote counting in the republic, everything is at tense, everybody is like, what's going to happen? Results on the television differing from channel to channel. It is just a lot for most of the citizens. Things are a stand still, not many places are opened around. The town centers are close to empty. I mean no lines even in the banks. Most people have travelled to there rural homes to vote I think. Today has been a good day, I mean chess excites me, I had a fair streak, won half the games and lost half. I felt the urge to practice more so that tomorrow I have more wins than loses. It's been an awesome day, just because one of my friends whom I taught chess, has become good in it, I am happy at how she has improved over the months. I can't explain how it feels, I am grateful. Apart from chess and elections, yesterday I decided to engage my mum in a conversation. I asked her a question and well I thought she would perceive it in a different way but well,...

 Hey guys, today was the most awaited day in the republic, Election, general election in our country. It was my second time having to participate. I was proud to perform my civil duties. Far from us queuing under the sun and you know doing the thing, does our votes really count? Do the rumors serve us right, is it democracy for us, or the system is manipulating us? Well, this are the questions that I have been asking my self the whole of the day. Also today, I was just rethinking the dawn of the next leadership in our country. I lamented on the way we in the third world countries, how long are we going to suffer before we realized that before every election we must have an economic breakdown then take two whole years to recover first then two years later we are back on the same situation. today at our polling station. I went and thought I knew it all. took myself to the queue for people whose names start with K . My surname starts with a K of course. I spend close to two hours befo...

Good Monday, folks. Well today again, I was struck by the anguish that comes with losing a phone, well , I am offline. operating from a phone which I keep forgetting about. Today I skipped  a meet up because I don't have a good phone. Well I have a history of been mugged, Like it has happened loads of time that I even became immune to losing phones. It does not hurt me anymore once I lose a phone. It is a  norm already, to me though. A streak I hope  it is over. In less than an year, I have been mugged twice, like good contact with the robbers and one was a pick pocket. Three good phones. I couldnt.t talk about cheap phones, also not that they were too expensive. Anyway they were good phones that I was proud of owning. Not to mention two of previous mugs in the previous years. About my phone that was stolen last year , close to the end. In the streets of Roysambu, a constituency in the capital city. We decided one fine evening, 2100 hours, my cousin and I that we would ta...

Guys, my trip home was the best, I even forgot to write. I have travelled for three days, two days verbally and well physically last night. I almost postponed again. Home is so much fine, everything is here, everyone is here. I have met a few friends already, yet to meet the rest. But so far so good. I had an eventful journey. met new friends, I had conversations with strangers close to two hours about life, young group of lads giving out our views on the current issues of the world. Not only did I have a good time but also learned and made new friends. I was amazed how despite us been rowdy and off the hook sometimes, we still got sense in us, good ability to make sound reasoning. I miss my place though, chilling alone in the crib, your own type of music, out here in this house, the owner, plays her type of music, well it's her boyfriend who pays the bills, I got no options. I am already singing along folk songs. advertisements on the TV, damn it was a minute before I fo...

 There are many ways to deal with the pain, choose wisely. I am writing as I listen to this great album again, bars split through it, Cole called out how he was not teaming up with people not believing in his dreams. life too crazy that needs no flipping. Well too serious already.  What is in stall today. well I am going home, tomorrow for the elections. I hope for a peaceful elections because I want to come back and continue chasing life away from home. Mans dream of not going back to the block, I want to excel and change the block some day. You know, the village thing where ones you out the village, you are not supposed to come back and live there, yeah that traditions not so clearly put out but it  lingers in every village parents head.  I felt happy about travelling back home this time, Whole week I have been having calls from friends who we haven't talked close to five years passed, reaching out from the socials. They are all looking forward  to hanging out...

 'Check mate.' Lifts face with a smile to my opponent, ready for trash talking. Good day good streak means its your lucky day. But also there days it was the opposite , the losing streak, flowing, the more the defeat the angrier one became. Well the theory behind it , I guess it's psychological. Also the more the defeats, the more the study so that the next day you would come with a new style tactic until you have your pattern in set, it's interesting. So today we reminisce, the sweet 2020, the year we all survived if you are reading this. To some it was way worse, to some it was better , to some it was just there. It was many feelings in the whole world. Some of us gained knowledge, had weight reducing instead of  increasing, also it was adventurous for me. I learned to play chess in 2020. I was a little bit depressed, a little anxious about life, you know coming from school where I was getting my hype moments of life of freedom and once in a flash, it was cut out. Tha...

Yesterday was a good day, I wanted to share how I was glad to make sure my name was on the graduation list. It is freaking cold. the worlds freezer is working full time. I woke up not early, because its me, waited for Bruuh, who obviously is lame in time keeping, One of the feathers that keeps us flocking together, never on time. We are really trying to work on that though. We hit the matatus off to the institution of higher learning. We did our thing and the day was done. Anyway been a Tuesday we had a lot to throw back about. Laughing on the streets of  the city, not shamelessly though. You can guess our conversations, from serious talks of how we are to improve our skills and face the next step of life to well  you can all guess where it went to. I really don't know what to call it or how to come by: Bruuh did it one time to me, coochie blocking. lacking better way to name the scenario. sometime back, we had just finished our finals, where we decide to go and  party to...

 Everything new is said to be bring happiness, this week already felt good vibes at my first wake, the week felt good already. Maybe it's because its my birthday month, I have that crazy excitement that apparently I can't show off because its not cool to do that nowadays. Today morning I thought of the lessons I need to learn, what I need to know, what I need to shed off, because turning the new age is that place where all eyes are on you because you are done with uni, the haters waiting for a fail, they don't stand a chance though, because they keep us moving, the ones with us in heart and mind well celebrations ahead.  Well, today was the last day of me paying the price of a promise I gave while I was younger. Simple messages, been in the moment, and dumb naturally. I promised I would be there, been the real friend, I became the dumber one in the sight of others. well, the price to pay was just a token of love, that i learned its not worthy for everyone to just get. It ha...

 Blue lights, some music, home ambience, sweet sense inn it. hell, yeah I had missed my small living space. Well I still use instant shower heater, I live on fourth floor and no damn lift, but I am glad we better than the rest down the block, yeah. I give thanks.  Too serious about life damn, take it easy. so I am entangled in a thought, What's the cost of love? What is to be sacrificed, or what is it worth to pay to never end the first feeling you felt for your significant other? Well deep silent thoughts!! Thank you to all the comments of the week, they keep me motivated, the shares on Instagram thankyou. spread, lets share the love. HIT me up what's your thought on my thought above, well, I will give what I thought coming Saturday, I wont mind having your views. Love folks TUSHEE.

 You all ever had a moment when you are high out of this world. Maybe clubbing, or in a  house party, high beyond comprehension. What's the worst you could do, have a one night stand, yeah maybe, texting your ex, yes, that's it. that is the maybe worst, because you reveal your innocent heart to the ones you have to stay gang star at. I bet a higher percentage have done this and you end up regretting the next morning so dripped in a hang over.  Alcohol is a substance that impairs your judgment, makes you speak a lot of  English, abuse people, not giving a damn about anyone and to some it goes out and beyond to violence. once we out and you fight I guess that is when we cancel you. Apart from behaving inappropriate, liquor also stimulates you sexually, Yes, liquor does that to most persons of the feminine gender, these is where you wake up in a strange everything. Strange room, strange room scent, strange sheets, strange surrounding, strange human and insanely wet priv...

  I have been thinking, what is more to life? Essence of living when we all know the latter is laying six feet under the ground or in vase by the living room just as ash. What makes me think of death this passionately? Have you ever pictured your own burial date? weird right, but it is a serious conversation that we all find hard to talk about . Have you ever thought about the eight to ten people that will be carrying your coffin to the abyss, would the procession be crying out of love or would they be at relief that you left?  Today marks six years. It has been a journey that so far I am proud of every member of my family. You know the way you are driving on the highway, laughing at each others jokes, and it is like everyone has their own type of jokes that they have specialized in. Rather in the house making stories and you all are happy for just being what you are as a unit. I mean this one time there was silence in the house during dinner when we expected the joke, but it ...

Throw back Thursday, First, I am getting the chance to write later in the day, living in a third world country where a whole estate in an urban capital can lack electricity for over half a day and nothing would be done to compensate the time wasted. You know we living in the socials , marketing our stuff online, business are mostly ran from the house, thanks to covid that we discovered a lot can be done from home and work flow is normal. Anyway I got a chance to have a good time with my two brothers, the eldest and the youngest, I am second born in a family of five children. our sister was out for exams at school. Apart from been in the dark, I have a cold so most of the day I have been lazy and on hot coffee, where we reside at is cold, true definition of the memes circulating. After a lazy high day, we decided to go for a drive. Big bro owns a Mercedes c 200, making it in life already. Well I enjoy the ride so let me pride in it today. So as we drove on the super highway, I would see...

So today is on a Wednesday, I want to give a throw back story, with a woman friend crush, so I will just tell it, WCW it is. Do you people ever believe in manifestation or that prayers work? Few years back before the pandemic, I joined the only Uni, yeah, the institution where we pride in being the best. Its a place where I wouldn't allow my siblings to go to though. I joined the class of 2018, first year, and so on, into the semester now everyone had created their circles of friends. the little squads who you party with, hang with and also cheat in the exam together dubbed formations. so I had my own squad and I had a friend crush from another squad. Mark you, the friend crush wasn't even sexually driven but I would pray to be associated with her, because she was real to the gang, she was legit. She was petite innit, all boogie with a bag of pens, five pens, all primary colors all her first year notes were flower-ish, she was overdoing though, coz it didn't last long. So e...

  Today, I woke up, and I felt like a writer, laughs out loud. shock on me coz once after morning glory, I  sat behind the laptop , ready to write . music on and well, brain was just outta this world, what to write while all I would think of is what the hell am I supposed to do after I  write. sips of coffee and I decide I would write how my normal morning is always, again I feel like I will let you guys get to know my angel best friend. My mornings are always lazy, I wake up thirty minutes past seven, meditate in the bed, I mean talk to my creator, thanking him , you know all you got to say to your heavenly papa, yes, then I refresh, normal morning routine, make me a cup of coffee and put my computer on and soft music to manifest greatness to the day as I check on my emails. Guys, this is where it gets tough. I said I just did get done with my uni, Life has no balance , since a month ago, I have been applying for jobs, internship and even volunteers, and well, even ...

 'Authentic love doesn't ask you to abandon yourself but encourages you to step into the most genuine parts of who you are and to show up in your life unapologetically.'  Vex King  

  Well, first time on, but rather with not a so mild story but of how man is getting into feelings. I  don't want to call it a moment but its a gradual idea that has been growing in both of our brains. Is it the brain that takes longer to process the heart desires or is that the heart doesn't want to comply to the brain?  question, yes. A lot of questions is all you will be getting from this pod. why ?  because along this journey you will learn the hour I write is the same hour great thing come to life. if you know, you know. Back to the story of how I am living my current life after uni, mark you guys, I am happy, brought to me by some one I will call Mrs. Crabs, not that I am Mr. Crabs, no, I am Simba still. to cut the bull shit, she is giving some 'jiggy jiggy' feelings, feelings of happiness, I cant measure. good thing, she is a 10 in nit, with juicy bunda , pretty smile, good shape and everything nice. also if you get to know her she is good, cunning, loving, g...